Pride

03Sept13, early a.m.,

My rant for today is about being a proud human being.

I have lived a wonderful life because I was raised by wonderful parents with wonderful siblings. That is not to say we have not had our complications along the way.

I don’t feel like getting into specific details, but I recently had a falling out with a family member.

If you include alcohol with any camping trip, there is usually a story to tell.

I went camping with my brother. Much, much, much alcohol was involved.

There is a story to tell.

It is currently still being told, so I cannot give the conclusion at this time. The best update I can present is that I recently sent over an offering of meat, cheese, and liquor. I received a text thanking me for the offering, and promise of further communication.

Details do not matter, but sometimes with family it is easy to feel too comfortable, and thoughts best reserved for kicking a can down the street while swearing are actually shared.

Everyone has dark thoughts about the ones we love. They usually are just that: thoughts.

Sometime, however, a moment can produce a perfect storm, and every dark thought is summoned by the maelstrom of family discontent.

Small things that are of an inconsequential nature can start screaming for attention, resulting in perhaps not the greatest of action. Compounded with liquor, and there is a great movement of mental chaos.

Nothing major,  just a disagreement.

Anger and its fellow emotions often lead to regret when given the opportunity of taking the wheel.

As terrible as it may have gotten, the anger was foreign.  Family is important.

I was in the wrong, even though I was in the right.

This was a case of pride having to take the back seat.

I have no problem with pride. I think it is important. There are many things we should be proud of; however, when our pride affects how I am viewed by others, especially those close to me, I sometimes have to take a step back.

A conflict will occur when two people think they are right and have different views of the same situation with the person they are in grievance with.

It is easy to stick with your belief. You are right.

What is hard to maintain is the consequence of being “right”.

A battle that everyone loses is no victory. I think I heard that on Star Trek once.

Stepping back from a situation, and maybe not accepting guilt, but perhaps making an offering, can lead to a continuation of communication.

If the person is worth it, there is no reason to try.
I've made my effort towards fixing a wrong. Can you say the same?
I certainly hope so.

Wish me luck while I wish you luck.

Chris

When confronted with a knife for the first time

I was in a fight the other day.

It was an experience that I think worthy of recording.

The reason it stands out as such a triumph is because it not only gave me a cold splash of water in the face of reality, but also had me act counter-culture to what would perhaps be considered good and decent in the world of today.

I stood up for myself.

A silly argument not even worthy of recollection led to a knife being drawn.

Being a person of character, I have found myself in unique and questionable situations in the past, offering wisdom and experience for most odd-out-of-the-blue realities that sometimes just have to make themselves known.

This, however, was a unique experience with no real guidance from my coloured past.

My first response upon seeing a weapon drawn was to take advantage of my superior height and size and attempt to neutralise the threat. Or, in basic English, I reached for the knife.

There was no thought involved, just reaction.

In years now long turned to memory, I did train in karate at a fairly competitive level. I did spend a little bit of time in the military. I recently completed a very serious six-month weight training program.  It was odd. My conscious thoughts were put on hold as instinct flooded my rational thinking with basic situational thoughts.

Everything in my life that had been bothering me up to the point of spotting the knife was just instantly gone. Knowledge of my name was absent as my full attention was on my adversary, his weapon, and proximity to the rail –we were on the balcony of a 15^th story apartment.

I wish I could explain better the certain intensity and focus I felt.

This all happened within a second.

I lashed out –discovering later knife wounds on my hands—and tried to wrestle the knife away. I have the clear advantage. I am twice his weight and a foot-and-a-half taller than he is. I know this might make me sound like a bully, but this is a part where Society is wrong. Yes, as will be mentioned very shortly, I kicked the shit out of a small man. Where I thumb my nose at Society is that he had a knife and his eyes displayed an intention that was not friendly.

I reacted.

Details are fuzzy, but I do remember grabbing his wrist with one hand and punching him with the other. It was a few days later that I discovered his injuries, while not life-threatening, sure seemed to hurt him a bunch. Visible damage has him constantly having to explain himself. I am sure he spins it well, with him as the victim. That’s fine. He pulled a knife and I beat him up. Despite his attempts to win the hearts and minds of our co-workers, he is not getting the sympathy that he very likely feels he deserves. People are rational. There is still a part of our society that respects freedom. People are now afraid to stick up for themselves due to their fear that they will suffer the repercussions.

I can at least say that I was attacked and I stood up for myself. Yes, the poor lil’ feller was on the wee side of the scale, but still, when flashing a knife, he was the most dangerous thing on the planet.

There are readers who are now horrified, and there are readers who shake their head at how tame the event actually was. Personal tragedy it most certainly was not, however, in terms of personal victories, I think it has earned a place on the shelf.